Reflections begin

So much happens on a day to day basis that it seems reasonable for me to recount each day. I struggle with seeing the positive in my life here lately, so maybe if I get all of the pent up anger out through writing, I'll feel better about myself.

Lately I've been trying to decide what I really want to do with my life. For the longest time I thought it was teaching, but the more years go by, the more unsure I become. It's not that I don't love teaching, let's be honest, I do. It's all of the shit that goes along with it. Although I have hopes that it's not like this everywhere, other people make me wonder if it really is.

I mostly feel like no matter what I do, I am inadequate. At school, at home, everywhere. I work so hard to be good at everything I do... I show up before other people, I leave after everyone...and yet, there's always something that I'm not doing. I could always be serving students better, planning enough in advance to know what I'm doing the next day, keeping up with grading, spending more time after school tutoring students, etc etc etc....

Scott and I have talked some about moving to another city. Although the idea of moving to another city is exciting, it also scares me to death. I'm not sure that I'm a strong enough person to move to a new place with no friends or family. Maybe I am, but I'm not sure.

Well, maybe tomorrow will be better, right???